I hate that which I am. Introduction

In my opinion a mirror is the scariest thing in the world. Not because I am so ugly I scare myself, but because when I look into a mirror I am looking at myself and I've found that who I am scares me.

I guess I should start this little journey with where my desire for this series began, my hypocracy. I can not stand hypocracy. That is one thing that always makes me angry. When people claim a code and then act outside of that code yet think that they have done nothing wrong.

Here's the problem though, I'm a hypocrite. I came to this realization one day while driving down Valley Mills (if you're from Waco you will of probably experience this same sort of situation). I got stuck leaving Wendy's. I never turn left across Valley Mills at lunch rush hour because to do so would be to commit suicide, so there I am in the right turn lane out of Wendy's. I'm sitting there looking and waiting for an opening for me to turn right onto the Valley (as those of us native Wacoans call it) when this woman driving and F250 superduty pulls up next to me in the left turn exit. Now I can't see anything that's coming (since I drive a little '99 Accord) so I get ready to wait for her to turn out so I can once again resume my exiting status. I sit there for five minutes waiting, I've seen holes go by me that I know I could of gone through, yet since I had no idea that cars weren't coming I couldn't of gone. I'm starting to lose my patience when the lady finally starts to pull out, I look over the bed of the truck when the lady suddenly turn right into the lane directly in front of me. I got so angry. I had just wasted give minutes waiting for this lady to turn left when all she was wanting to do was turn right. So once again I am blocked in and still waiting in the Wendy's exit because of this stupid lady that obviously doesn't understand how to drive. And that's when it hit me, how I'm such a bad driver too. I hate it when people speed past me, ride my bumper, don't use turn signals, and are generally bad drivers, but I myself speed, tailgate, don't use turn signals, and am generally a bad driver. I realized how hypocritcal it was of me to judge her driving when my driving was no better.

That's the starting point for me for this series of posts. I want to recognize those things that I see in others, but that I myself have that I hate. But further than that, I want to scrap my hypocracy. All of things I plan to talk about in this series-greed, pride, ignorance, arrogance, etc..-I must first aknowledge in myself lest I continue being a hypocrite.

That's where this idea began. But the idea goes further than that. I go to the local community college and in my english class this semester, we had to write a critical essay in response to an essay written in favor or same-sex marriage. It surprised me how ignorant some of my classmates were. In our in-class discussions, people kept referring to homosexuals as "them gays". Ignorance. Also in my sociology class we somehow got to the subject of the war on terror. One class member decided to englighten us with, "all them terrorist muslims deserve to be wiped off the face of the earth". Ignorance.

In case you didn't know, ignorance is another quality that I hate. Ignorance isn't even a bad thing, it just means you don't know, but when people act on their not knowing -i.e. labeling "them gays"or all muslims as terrorists- ignorane becomes dangerous. So I decided to wage a war on my own ignorance. I read up on the reasons for and against same-sex marriage, and I went out and bought a copy of the Qur'an because I no longer with to be ignorant to these discussions. I want to be able to open my mouth and actually talk about the subject as an intelligent individual, and not some ignorant fool who just runs his mouth and his actions on his uninformed ideas.

This series of posts is also something along that line for me. I no longer wish to have those qualities that I despise. So this is my way of taking them on. This is my way of starting to change. With that said, I would like if if you would join me in this little journey into myself (and hopefully yourself as well). All of the topics I have lined up for this are in each and every one of us. Every single one of us has a little pride in us. Every single one of us has a little greed in us. That doesn't mean we have to like it though. I want to change. Let the journey begin.

On Christmas Music

I think it may be that I am just getting older, but for some reason Christmas music just seems so cheesy and superficial to me this year. I guess I just don't understand the majority of Christmas music. That has to be the reason. I mean there must be a reason that it's important for us to sing a song about someone roasting chestnuts over an open fire. Maybe they just never told me why. But I personally have never dreampt of a white Christmas, much less felt the need to tell the world about such a dream through song. I just don't get it.

Another thing I don't get is how we have tried to create a romantic scene of Jesus' birth. We sing songs about how the cattle are loing (what does that mean)and how Jesus just laid down his sweet little head. Maybe the writers of these songs have never been around cattle. Maybe they've never been around when a child was birthed. I have no way of knowing, but they must be clueless as to what any of those experiences are really like to write such sweet, soothing, soft, gentle music.

Just imagine with me for a second. Your Joseph (I'll pick this role because I identify with him more being a man) and your wife is in her third trimester about to give birth. You've just had to travel from Nazareth to Bethlehem on foot. Now you've just gotten to bethlehem and what do you find out, there is no room in any of the inns for you and your wife to stay, but your desperate for a room. So you finally find a little cave where an inn-keeper has allowed you to spend the night with live-stock. So now your in a close-quarters environment with animals and all of their various smells (not many of which are very pleasant) and your wife starts to go into labor. So now here you are, tired from the long trip, sitting in a room with livestock, your wife's going through labor, and the last thing your going to think of is anything romantic.

I just don't see the romantic side of this. I do however recognize the power in the reality of the story. Jesus was human. He was birthed same as I was. He had to be bathed same as I was. He cried same as I did. He grew up same as I did. He experienced the same feelings I feel. He had the same emotions I had. He was just like me except for one aspect... He was also God.

That's the power of this story to me. The fact that He was almost no different from me. Why do we raise him up to such a level that we ignore the fact that he was just like we are? Why do we sing songs of how romantic his birth was when that wasn't how it happened at all? Why do we try so hard to create reasons why Jesus wasn't like us at all? That's where I see beauty in this story. I see the beauty in that I can relate to Jesus on a personal-everyday-real-life-He-knows-what-I've-experienced level. That's amazing. That's awesome. That's mind blowing.

So I'm back to where I started. Is it just me or does our Christmas music create this cheesy, weak, pale expression of what we have actually come to celebrate?

Leave your thoughts.